i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
