I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
