she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
