Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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