Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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