you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
