there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
