I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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