At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
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