god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
