3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
