if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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