its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
