do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
