She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
