if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize