I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
