I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
