I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
