i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my poor anus
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
