Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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