So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
