Umm I'm too high to move.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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