She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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