Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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