there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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