i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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