i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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