I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize