He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
