we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
