I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
