By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
