Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
