I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
