I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I need to stop coming to work sober
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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