I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
