if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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