Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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