Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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