I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
