Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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