it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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