She's JV to your varsity
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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