I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
