I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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