did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
