i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
