this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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