Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
