Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
