I don't usually arrange sex via text message
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
