I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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