he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
