Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
