Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
