My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I could fuck to npr.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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