we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
