accomplished twins. life is a go
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
