I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
