my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
high people should be assigned attendants
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
