Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize