we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
