so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize