Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize