Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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