Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you never un-have a 4some
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
